Why Scaring The Pigeons is a Good Thing

Sometime back I wrote about how I thought the alliteratively titled Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip was one of my favorite new shows on TV. Disappointingly, the show didn't quite live up to its promise - and being unashamedly fickle about my TV viewing I have a new favorite - Showtime's rather innocently titled "Dexter".

Dexter is probably the darkest show on TV - certainly the darkest show I've seen on the small screen...Its about a sociopath who works as a forensic specialist in Miami's police department
and who channels his urge to kill into murdering other sociopaths. For those who think he sounds like any other superhero in Marvel comics, you've gotta see the show to understand how horrifying and fascinating Dexter the character and Dexter the show is.

I love the show and not just because its so dark but also because it raises a serious, but completely overlooked, animal rights issue. As a kid, Dexter, hones his skill as a budding psychopath, by murdering small animals (like dogs). There is a serious disconnect about how we care for kids and equally cuddly, equally innocent small animals that bring us into their circle of trust. We warn little kids to stay away from strange adults but encourage pets as well as semi-wild fauna like pigeons, squirrels etc to trust strange humans - kids and adults alike. And so, across the world, there are probably hundreds of quasi-domesticated small animals being massacred by mini-Dexters everyday...and nothing is being done about it

Take the example of pigeons...Almost any self-respecting historical monument in the world has several score pigeons floating around - strutting, fluttering, clustering around delighted tourists who throw down pieces of sourdough or baklava or corn depending on which country they're in and how cheap they are. These pigeons are so used to being around people and strangers that they'll trot up to just about anyone...they're perfect sitting ducks (sic) for any cute sociopathic Dexter/Dmitri/Dhritrashtra that scampers along. The show doesn't talk about Dexter visiting Trafalgar Square as a child like the kid in the picture, but you can be sure that if he had, there wouldn't have been quite so much cooing going on there, as there is today

The fact is, its not safe for these pigeons to trust humans. Given the centuries of indoctrination that these birds have gone through, there's a dire need for a comprehensive Pavlovian education program to get them to not trust humans again. And any animal rights activist worth their iodized salt should be doing his/her bit. It can be as simple as volunteering to spend a couple of hours every weekend to jump out at these silly birds from behind bushes while screaming bloody murder (IMPORTANT NOTE: but not actually committing it) to scare the guano out of them. Over time though, I think, more innovative methods might be more effective - ummm - like scattering electrostatically charged pop-corn that shocks any bird that pecks at it.

I spent one summer afternoon in May doing the jumping-out-the-bushes thing to scare some particularly blase pigeons on the lawns in front of Ghirardelli Square. I can vouch for the effectiveness of the method - it cleared the lawns of both pigeons...and people (including my fickle friend :( over a 100m radius within the first 30 minutes. I must admit, the lack of understanding with which my work amongst pigeons was greeted was rather discouraging. However...like Steve Irwin with crocodiles...I shall continue harassing them for their own good